You were my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye.
Every time I see that meme shared on Facebook, it pinches a corner of my heart.
The day we bring our puppies home is the day we start preparing to say goodbye. No, we don’t live our lives like that. That would suck, wouldn’t it? Constantly thinking about the day we have to say goodbye.
Instead, we revel in the in-between. The glorious time filled with adventure and snuggles and scritches and laughs and smooches.
And then comes the silence. The time after the day we say goodbye.
The sorrow. The pain. The grief.
You listen to this podcast because you are an animal lover, and when your beloved companion animal leaves your physical world, you feel lost. You desperately cling to the memories, cry into his pillow, stare at the leash hanging by the door.
I know. I did all that.
And you wonder … should I get another dog? How soon is too soon? How could I do that to the memory of my beautiful boy? How could I possibly replace him?
What you will hear on this episode is an informal conversation between two women who endured that conversation with themselves.
My good friend Darlene Woodward of Pant the Town Photography in Georgetown, Massachusetts, and I share our stories about bringing home a puppy after the loves of our lives had to leave us.
This is a subject of much debate. Some say wait, others say don’t wait. And of course grief experts say we shouldn’t make any life-changing decisions for six months to a year after an important loss.
Six months? Or nine days? Or four months?
Nine days is my story. Four months is Darlene’s. Have a listen.
Angela Schneider
You were my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye.
Every time I see that meme shared on Facebook, it pinches a corner of my heart.
Hi. Welcome back to One Last Network and Episode 26: The Art of Saying Goodbye … and then Hello.
The day we bring our puppies home is the day we start preparing to say goodbye. No, we don’t live our lives like that. That would suck, wouldn’t it? Constantly thinking about the day we have to say goodbye.
Instead, we revel in the in-between. The glorious time filled with adventure and snuggles and scritches and laughs and smooches.
And then comes the silence. The time after the day we say goodbye.
The sorrow. The pain. The grief.
You are listening to this podcast because you are an animal lover, and when your beloved companion animal leaves your physical world, you feel lost. You desperately cling to the memories, cry into his pillow, stare at the leash hanging by the door.
I know. I did all that.
And you wonder … should I get another dog? How soon is too soon? How could I do that to the memory of my beautiful boy? How could I possibly replace him?
What you are about to hear is an informal conversation between two women who endured that conversation with themselves.
My good friend Darlene Woodward of Pant the Town Photography in Georgetown, Massachusetts, and I share our stories about bringing home a puppy after the loves of our lives had to leave us.
This is a subject of much debate. Coleen Ellis in episode ?? Says to wait. Maureen Scanlon in epsiode ?? Says don’t wait.
And of course grief experts say we shouldn’t make any life-changing decisions for six months to a year after an important loss.
Six months? Or nine days? Four months?
Nine days is my story. Four months is Darlene’s. Have a listen.
Angela
Angela
So my friend Darlene Woodward and I are going to share our personal stories about loss, and also about bringing in another companion animal to your home. Because it can be a very difficult decision. And right off the top, I want to remind everybody that it is a very personal decision. And there is no right or wrong answer to the question, when should I get another dog. So I’m gonna start off by sharing the story of losing Shep and bringing Bella home because it happened very quickly for me. And, and Darlene is going to feel free to jump in and ask any questions of me when she feels like it. Even Shep’s death happened very quickly. I mean, I can look back at the pictures now and see things that maybe I should have spotted before I was able to get him to a vet who said that dog needs blood work right now. And of course, the next morning, the vet called me and said, “Your dog is in full organ failure and his heart is going to explode. He is going to start having seizures.” And I said, “He already has.” And so the doctor said you need to get him in today and let him go. He probably said put him down. But I hate that phrase. Instead I went out into the backyard where Shep was laying. And I said, “Road trip.” And he perked right up.
And we got in the car. And I called my fiance now husband and said you need to make an appointment for us. And he immediately went into denial. And they said no, this is what’s happening. You need to make an appointment for us at Pet Vet in Spokane Valley. And I maybe shouldn’t have made Shep do that road trip. But I also knew we needed a few more minutes as a family. And we got here just in time, driving from Kelowna, Shep had a major seizure in the truck around Grand Coulee Dam in Washington state. And we got here, by the time we got here, he had lost the ability to use his hinds. So we were carrying him. Then we spent a few minutes in the living room and then rushed him to the vet clinic and said — I think it was 2:30, they weren’t expecting us until 3:30, but they took one look at him and said yeah, yeah. And then I wasn’t, I wasn’t employed at the time. And well, I was it was waiting for my visa to get approved by a … oh, cripes, I can’t remember what the name of it is. Now I spent a year two years of my life embedded with this government agency. It’s not DHS, but it’s the immigration. There’s some C’s in it.
I wasn’t working at the time. So in order for me to be able to collect unemployment, I had to be in Canada. And I had to pay rent. So I had to, I had to get back to Kelowna and not spend too much time here in Washington. And so we picked up Shep’s ashes on Friday. And then on Saturday, we drove back to Kelowna. And Shep rode shotgun in the passenger seat. As soon as we walked in the door, in my apartment in Kelowna, I sat down on my laptop and I started researching breeders. And I had zero intention. I just, I needed to deal with my grief by looking for another Maremma. And I knew that I needed a Maremma in my life because Shep had changed my life so much. So I went, I went looking to get on a waitlist for a spring litter. Because I also wanted to be able to raise my own puppy. I had rescued Shep at two years old. So I missed out on that baby stage.
Darlene
Oh, you wanted the crazy phase?
Angela
That’s crazy enough as it is, right?
Darlene
You’re brave.
Angela
I’m a little crazy to want puppies. But one of the, one of the breeders who happened to be the president of the Maremma Sheepdog Club … Club of America emailed me back right away, and said there are three puppies in Arlington, Washington right now. I was like oh, no, that is too soon. No, no, no, no, no. But she had given the breeder my email address. And Sharon emailed me that day as well. Saturday was not even over by this point. I had just started emailing when I started getting these emails back. And because it’s really difficult to find people who will sell a puppy, a Maremma sheepdog puppy to a companion home. They’re meant to be in the field, they’re livestock guardian dogs. So there’s a stigma with a lot of breeders around letting these dogs go to companion animals because they do bark a lot. They are very protective of their properties. And because their barking can be uncontrollable at times, a lot of people don’t think they’re suited to the suburban lifestyle. And a lot of puppies or rescue dogs who aren’t in homes with people educated about the breed, they do end up in shelters. And because these dogs are, are instinctually trained over thousands of years to be free roaming animals, they really don’t do well in kennels and crates.
So it is very difficult for me to find a breeder who will give me a puppy. But this farm in Arlington, they were down to three puppies that they needed to get rid of to make … get rid of … how awful.
Darlene
We know what you meant.
Angela
To clear the farm out because you can have too many LGDs, I suppose working one farm. I would have 10 if I had the property.
Darlene
Watch what wish for!
Angela
Right?! So we went, I went back and forth like every hour it was yes, I want a puppy. No, I can’t do that to Shep. Yes, I want a puppy. No, I’m not ready. Yes, this house needs, needs, needs toenails on the hardwood. No, no, I can’t do that. How can I possibly? There’s no replacing Shep, he meant so much to me. And my fiance was with me the whole time. And the breeder was going on an extended vacation and needed to get those puppies gone. So she gave me a deadline of Friday.
Darlene
Wow.
Angela
And I was so tortured in my mind over what to do. And I was emailing back and forth with her the whole time going yes no yes no yes no I can’t but you know the whole time she was grilling me about whether I was also a suitable person to take one of her puppies. I feel so bad for her now because of what I put her through. I don’t feel bad about what I put my husband through; I mean he’s still dealing with it now. He married me, you know? But he’s sat me down that Wednesday he said, we need to make a decision. He sat me down and with a piece of paper and split it into two and pros and cons.
Darlene
Oh, you did do pros and cons!
Angela
We did pros and cons.
Darlene
I love it.
Angela
And he added his own pros and cons from his perspective of what my life would be like without a dog in it and of course, the pros list was five times longer than the cons list. I mean the cons list was like … the cons list was probably stupid like too much hair, too much shedding, not ready, replacing Shep. I mean that’s not stupid but it’s … but the pros list was so much longer and so we did. We drove down to Arlington. We set our sights on Miss Red. She was looking up at the camera in her photo all sweet and snuggly and, and the other two were just absolutely defiant-looking little bitches so we were like yeah, OK, Miss Red, we’re going down to get Miss read and her name is going to be Bella. And we got down to Arlington. It was raining and for whatever reason I wore a dress. Weird, right? I wore a dress. So we drove down to Arlington. We stopped at Petco, Petco to get Miss Red some new to her items. And by the way, this was nine days after we let Shep go … nine days.
Darlene
Wow.
Angela
Quick. Yes, I’m saying quick, people. And we stopped at Petco and then we stopped at McDonald’s and had a couple of Big Macs and then went on to Arlington. And the breeder took the three puppies and sat them in a pen and they were all playing with each other. And this one puppy … a puppy would come over to me every few minutes and just check on me. Every time a puppy would come over I would check the color of the collar, whether it was yellow, red or orange. And after about 15 to 20 minutes of this I realized that there was only one puppy coming over to see me and it was Miss Orange. So we took Miss Orange home and she hated being in the truck. She threw up in my truck.
Darlene
Oh great. That’s a nice start.
Angela
She threw up on my dress because I was in the back with her. Well, my fiance was drivingI really think she hated that she got ripped away from her farm. But there she was Miss Orange, not Miss Red. And that was … come August 29 of this year … will have been nine years ago.
Darlene
Wow.
Angela
And we struggled. We really struggled at first. She was … is every bit as defiant a little bitch as she was in that first photo we saw of her. But I love that about her so much. And now come nine years later, she is the best friend I ever had. I have no regrets about how quickly we moved to get her. I have no regrets about the early days and how we struggled to connect. Because we connect so well now. And it was only a few years ago that I realized the Shep’s last color was orange. So now, you know what, everything in my life is orange. orange.
Darlene
So that’s the reason for orange. There’s so much meaning in that.
Angela
Yeah. So yeah, I believe that Shep recognized it was his time to move on.
Darlene
Okay.
Angela
And that he knew there was a puppy that needed me. Or a puppy that I needed.
Darlene
Yeah.
Angela
Because as much as I loved him, as much as I love him, present tense, because he’s always with me, I love her a hundred, a thousand, a million times more. Because of who he taught me to be as a human. And as a pet guardian. That’s a lot, isn’t it?
Darlene
Yeah, and it’s beautiful.
Angela
Thank you. Do you have any questions for me?
Darlene
It’s beautiful.
Angela
We knew this would get cry-y.
Darlene
Yeah, we knew there would be tears involved. You would do it all over again. It was just to help, that helped you heal.
Angela
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think that having Bella around was not just a good distraction, but a good comfort. Once … once she got used to being inside and once she learned what a couch was, she was OK. In fact, I have a picture of her watching her first hockey game with me and it’s hilarious.
Darlene
You mean the couch wasn’t for tearing up?
Angela
No, I have been one of the most fortunate pet guardians on the planet. In 20 years of being a Maremma mama, I have not lost a single shoe or a piece of furniture.
Darlene
Stop. No way.
Angela
I have not. Now that being said, one night I woke up … one morning I woke up and the … the floor of my spare bedroom and my rental was just a single sheet of vinyl flooring. However she did it, she tore a hole in the middle of the floor. So I did lose my damage deposit.
Darlene
At least you got your puppy.
Angela
Oddly enough, it was the spot where Shep would sleep so I think she was trying to figure out what his scent was what it was and where he was or something like that. Oh, and she has destroyed the carpet in the living room of my now husband’s house once we moved here.
Darlene
She did destroy the carpet.
Angela
There’s … there’s holes in the carpet. We still haven’t replaced it. Dogs. I mean …
Darlene
You can’t. You can’t replace things as long as you have dogs.
Angela
She would … she’s … she’s a nuzzler, like a … um, I don’t know how to describe it like, like as if she’s suckler. She’s suckled, like, and so she suckled on the carpet like as if she was suckling on her mama’s teat or something. So she would pull the as she was suckling, she would pull the fibers of the carpet out. So we have bare spot holes in the, in the carpet and a couple of places. We don’t talk about that anymore.
Darlene
No, no, oh.
Angela
So that all happened nine years ago.
Darlene
Wow.
Angela
Yeah, like nine years. It’s crazy.
Darlene
And does she do things? And I’m sure she does … that all of a sudden trigger those memories of Shep? Like something, even though they’re completely different dogs. She’ll do something and you’ll just take a double take of “oh, where’s Shep?”
Angela Schneider
Oh, yeah. She well. If you look at her straight on, she doesn’t look anything like Shep. I mean the .. There are so many similarities between all of the big white livestock guardian dogs and and you know she’s often mistaken for a Great Pyrennes and, and if they’re well-bred dogs, they do conform to certain standards. But her, her face when you’re looking straight on at her is so full. And her hair is so voluptuous.
And that’s such a sexy word, isn’t it? Shep was, Shep was … I don’t know Shep’s lineage. He was apparently a breeder’ dog. But he also was hypothyroidic. So he didn’t have a strong undercoat. And Bella has a strong undercoat. So he was, he was he was not as puffed out as she is. So looking at them straight on is very different. But as she has grown up, and I only noticed this when I’m in the passenger side when my husband is driving, because I don’t get to see her. But I’ll turn around and look and the side view of her when her face is out the window enjoying the fresh air. It’s like who the hell? What the hell? Is that? No.
Oh, and then I see him. I see. And it’s, you know, one of, one of my favorite favorite things was going on road trips with Shep. He would sit right behind me and his entire face would take up my rearview mirror. So I had to get really good at shoulder checks. When Bella was a puppy, and the first few road trips we would take … first I had to get her past the puking stage … but she would she didn’t know how to sit in the truck for road trips. And she would she would sit in the back corner with her back …
Darlene
Really? Giving you her back.
Angela
And she does it sometimes in the house and I call her Blair Witch from that last scene in Blair Witch where the girl was facing the corner, you know? So, she was … she would sit in the … in the back of the truck or she would like … she just wouldn’t do exactly what I thought she was supposed to do as a dog on a road trip because Shep had trained me so well. And then when they she got it … Darlene, I pulled over to the side of the road and I cried so hard.
Because the hardest part of driving home from here with Shep in an urn next to me was not having his face in my rearview mirror. So it took several years for us to get to the point where Bella would fill up my rearview mirror. But now that she does, it just fills my heart with so much joy.
Darlene
I love that. It’s a beautiful story. Makes road trips much more fun.
Angela
Oh my gosh, I cannot imagine going on a road trip without a dog. And we have friends who their dog is the same age as Bella. She’s, in fact, a month younger than Bella to the day. And they have said that they are not going to get another dog because they want to go traveling.My husband, yeah, my husband told them, he said, you know, I don’t ever see us being without a dog. And I fell so in love with him that day. Not that I hadn’t before. But to hear him say that when he wasn’t an animal person. I mean, he had had cats when he was younger, but he never imagined himself having a dog or a cat here in this house. And now he is of the mind that we will never be without a dog. We will never be without a Maremma sheepdog.
Darlene
You’re right for this specific breed. Always a Maremma.
Angela
Yeah, it’s they … this breed has just dug right into my soul. And I have absolute respect for people who rescue and I have not eliminated the idea of rescuing a Maremma in the future. But it does have to be a Maremma. This is my … this is my soul … my soul breed. They’re so aligned in personality with me. And I just don’t know that I could find that in another dog.
Darlene
Right. She’s beautiful.
Angela
So now, you’re fresh in the world. We’ve been … we’ve been scratching old scabs, picking old wounds here. You just went through this. Tell your story.
Darlene
Mmmhmm, getting the new dog when we didn’t want a dog.
Angela
Right and, and I interviewed you last summer for this podcast, but that was before Kota left. Before you lifted her up …
Darlene
We said see, see you later to Kota. So Kota, if anyone knows me knows that she was my soul dog, my heart dog, my everything. And we knew the tears would come quick. For 11-plus years, you know, she changed my world, became a dog trainer because of her. She was a rescue from the south. She was reactive after we were attacked by a dog. So she didn’t love other dogs. She was iffy with people. She wasn’t a dog who had a lot of bounce-back. So she was a challenging dog to have, which is fine. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. So when she got sick … having a dog that doesn’t have a lot of bounce-back, I think you make different decisions we didn’t want my husband and agreed on we didn’t want to do surgery with her if she had cancer. We didn’t want to do chemo. We didn’t want to do all of that. So we went the homeopathic holistic route, which she did very well with she had an issue with her liver enzymes being through the roof. And for three years we kept her healthy and enjoying life and doing the best we could for her. In the very end, she just took a turn, lost a lot of weight for a dog who normally weighed 68 to 70 pounds.
She was 56 pounds when we said goodbye to her.
Angela
Breathe.
Darlene
And anyone who’s ever had to make the decision of lifting up their pet knows how challenging it is because you never know if you’re doing it too early or too late. And that’s just something that sits with you for so long. Because I, I was … tried for the longest time and I’m fine with this. Now. I don’t think we did it too early because I don’t think you can ever, ever, ever do it too early because you’ll never see your pain, your dog suffering and through pain. The day before we had Kota euthanized, she was running around, having the best time. We invited friends over to the house. She was jumping on them licking their faces and the whole time. My husband Pete and I were like, Oh my God, is it too soon? Are we doing? Are we murderers? Are we doing the wrong thing it makes? It’s so so hard to do.
Angela Schneider
That is a lot. That is a lot. You think you’re taking the life of your best friend. It’s so much.
Darlene
Right? Right. It is not a light decision. It’s not something where you just wake up, you’re like, Oh, hey, you know what? I think we’re gonna do it. It’s time.
Angela
Right. Should I wear the brown socks? Or the blue socks?
Darlene
No, I know. It’s … it’s no, no matter what way you look at it, it’s not easy. And even our vet, you know, a few days before. Well, we can medicate and everything was going in one ear and out the other about more medication and our liver enzymes are high and this and that. And honest to God, it was a Monday night, three o’clock in the morning. We were sleeping Kota was pacing, pacing, pacing around the house. I got out of bed. I sat on the floor, and she lay down next to me. And she’s not a dog who was … she’s a husky mix, not like a lovable huggable dog. She’s very space oriented, doesn’t love to be touched and didn’t like any of that, but I laid on the floor with her. And we slept on the floor together.
And that morning, my husband and I both looked at each other. And we said, she telling us it’s time. She’s done. And we have to honor that because we had that gut feeling that. Yeah, you know, she might not have been in severe pain. But she had been for weeks pacing at night, stopped eating, she ate cat treats every day. And we had a freezer full of chicken, venison, lamb, pork, everything you can think of. And there were days she didn’t want any of that. So those lines were enough for us to schedule somebody to come to the house and peacefully say goodbye to her.
Angela
Oh, man I wish I’d known about in-home euthanasia nine years ago.
Darlene
Right, though, because I can’t imagine I could not have imagined getting her in the car that day. I just can’t. Yeah. And I feel for people who do do that. I mean, it has to be just, I feel that if your pet can be in their home in that place. It just makes it so much … it makes it peaceful.
Angela
Yeah. And I think correct me if I’m wrong, but I think we have come a bit of a way in treating euthanasia. Yes. And adding services such as in-home euthanasia, because, and no insult to the vet clinics who have very difficult jobs.
Darlene
Exactly.
Angela
But it does feel very clinical. And not always a most comforting experience.
Darlene
Right. Right.
Angela
Is that the difference that you felt?
Darlene
Yeah. Yeah. Because I know, you know, people who have had done the vet thing and they do say it just and how they say they try and of course they’re trying the best to make it but a lot of times people do say I wish, I wish we didn’t wait as long where we could have had it in the home because a lot of times going right to the vet, it’s that very, very end. There’s pain. There’s a lot involved. It’s really that last minute, which does make it harder when you’re scheduling, the day noon and the time you’re going to say goodbye to your best friend. Yeah, it’s on the calendar like how …
Angela
But it isn’t just another meeting on the calendar either. And I think that’s what non pet people don’t get.
Darlene
Right?
Angela
It’s very traumatic.
Darlene
It is. It is … to the moment. Yeah. And the hardest thing Kota being having husky and her having drama queen and sass and all that in that breed. Jennifer, our euthanasia vet, explained the process to me and she said, well, it rarely happens that you hear a dog. Make
a noise when this goes. She goes, but being a husky, she might scream, but and of course she did.
Angela Schneider
Well, I remember on Zoom, that girl had an opinion.
Darlene
She wasn’t going easy. She was gonna go making it known that she was leaving this world. She’s gonna get known and have a lot to say about it.
Angela
So what’s helping you make it easier to talk about?
Darlene
Oh, I can now … I just now … there’s so many good memories that I cry. I cry a lot. I still cry every day. But I laugh too. And yeah …
Angela
It was August, right?
Darlene
Yep. August 11. Yeah. I’m not a fan. I’m number 11 September 11, August 11. I struggled with the elevens for a lot of reasons.
Angela
Right. And if you haven’t listened to Darlene interview for from the early weeks of this podcast, Darlene lost friends in the September 11 terrorist attacks. And that has been a part of her grief journey for 22 years now.
Darlene
And never ending. And then, and yeah, Kota stirred up a lot. And then actually speaking with a grief counselor myself, and that helping me heal through everything, which has been so so helpful.
Angela
Please name your … please name your grief counselor. She is a good friend to this podcast.
Darlene
Oh, Beth of Honoring Our Animals. She’s wonderful. Yeah, it’s so amazing. So yeah, now to getting another dog.
Angela
OK, well hang on a second. There was no plan to bring a dog. You actually fostered another dog almost right away. What was that like?
Darlene
Yeah, that was oh, she was wonderful. And that was a dog who … she was seven, eight years old. And in the shelter, just sweet as can be. I thought, perfect dog. Easy. Not a puppy. I wouldn’t have wanted a puppy. So my husband was dead set on we’re not getting another dog. We’re not. And after Kota, I remember his words. “I never want another dog because I never want to have to go through that again.” Because it was hard. Yes. It was hard. And so we fostered the sweetest dog. And it turns out she was actually very sick. Which was heartbreaking. She, every morning, we had her for five days and I do look back and I say those … she didn’t make it. In the end, they had to euthanize her. So let’s add more pain and grief to that. But for five days in the morning, she would just vomit several times. And she ended up over at MSPCA Angel and they did their best to help her through her medical issues. But she didn’t make it so that was more grief. Trying to help. Fostering is helpful and wonderful and I have a little companion and yeah.
Angela
I sensed at the time, though, that you weren’t getting too attached to her. Whether that was because she wasn’t the dog for you or because of her health issues. What do you think?
Darlene
I think it was more I still wanted to … I didn’t want a dog I still wasn’t, I didn’t think it was fair to Kota, like on the back of my head, and we’re not getting another dog. And I kept saying that in the back of my head. And I was treating it like the situation was fostering, not even foster to adopt. Yeah, I think I wasn’t coming to terms with it could be a possibility or even open to that.
Angela
We did talk about you fostering and how you just occasionally wanted a dog in the house. Right?
Darlene
Yeah. Because like you were saying about your friend, oh, we can travel now. Life with a reactive dog for 11 and a half years, I’ll be honest, and anyone who can relate out there listening right now, when you have a dog who doesn’t get along with dogs, doesn’t get along with many people. going anywhere in the world is a challenge. We didn’t go places unless we took Kota with us where we went separately. I mean, she really was our world. Everything we did revolved around her … wouldn’t have traded it for anything. But yeah, and then looking at my life for 16 years, I was a flight attendant before Kota, traveled all over the place. It was nothing to pack up and go and have lunch somewhere and fly in a plane. And so we hadn’t had that travel. So in a way, my husband and I are like, OK, we’re gonna have to do some traveling now. To travel. Right. We dog-free!
Angela
You’re obligated to travel.
Darlene
Right. We gotta get out and enjoy again. Right. So that was our plan.
Angela
Right. And then you fostered again.
Darlene
Yeah.
Angela
And now you’re stuck.
Darlene
Right? So come along the beginning of December, my husband was out of town. And I get a text it was a … yeah, an email from one of the staff members of the MSPCA where I’ve done where I used to do dog training classes and photograph the adoptable dogs. The message says, Hey, Darlene, we have this really sweet husky. I don’t know if you’re ready yet. But just wanted to let you know. Now they know I’m husky lover and huskies when we talk about breeds. Angela, you know with challenging breeds. Huskies are challenging too, they’re escape artists. They’re high energy, they’re diggers, they’re destructive. Yeah, everything but I love them and can’t imagine life without so I get the message and I’m like I don’t know what to do with it. So it ended up the shelter was really busy. There was a lot going on. It was crowded I had heard she’s really sweet. And what do I do? I ended up making a trip over there. Yeah, and they just had just a situation going on in the shelter and if they could get dogs out for any reason as soon as possible, they would and take any help they need. So I offered to foster … that word foster … this husky who the original message said she was three then I find out she’s just over a year old which I do not want a puppy so I got to pick her up to foster her and my friend Pat who volunteers there goes and gets her opens the door we open the back of my vehicle and she jumps right up and she’s ready to go. We’re going home. There’s no turning back. So now that …
Angela
Y’all got picked, you got picked.
Darlene
I got picked. Somehow this little hellion up here, who was actually this … I mean just the sweetest sweetest cuddle bunny, completely opposite of what Kota was. You couldn’t be more opposite. And I get home and realize my husband’s coming home from a trip and has no idea there’s gonna be a dog in the house.
Angela
Honey I’m home.
Darlene
And he did not speak to me for five days. And you know what? I get it and I am a horrible person for it.
Angela
If my husband ever listens to this he’ll be surprised by what I’m supposed to, what I’m about to say but you’re supposed to make decisions together, aren’t ya?
Darlene
True. I did. I was horrible. i It’s on me that was absolutely horrible. You bring a dog home and my husband’s birthday was the next day and we had dinner plans. But of course, one of my friends came to watch the dog. So I had it all planned on how we were going to work through this in my head. So I get the anger and I get how we deal with grief differently as humans, and he did not want another dog. I get it. At the same time, my business revolves around a dog. I photograph dogs for a living. My husband travels, he’s gone two to four days a week. He’s on the road. I’m home all the time. I was struggling, missing … having a high energy dog. Kota and I … she was my running partner. We did at least two long walks a day, we hike together. We did so much together. That, I admit, I was lonely.
Angela
And all that change. Yeah, that change is just so hard. Your routine is completely disrupted.
Darlene
Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, definitely. Just it’s so hard.
Angela
And let’s not lie, dog people are dog people. When we lose our dogs, we lose a part of ourselves too.
Darlene
It’s so true.
Angela
And I think that can only be filled up by having a dog at agree. And let’s — you know, I always say that applies to cat people, horse people, goat people — we default to dogs because we’re dog people. There’s no sense in being without the love and companionship a dog brings us if that’s who we are.
Darlene
Right. Exactly.
Angela
So now, name her.
Darlene
Halo.
Angela
You chose not to change her name?
Darlene
No, she didn’t come with Halo, I named her Halo.
Angela
Oh, you named her Halo. Oh, I thought she came with Halo.
Darlene
No so … nope. I named her Halo because I do believe Kota sent her because that was my thing. I had a feeling I would know when it was time to get a dog because somehow Kota would let me know and Kota let me know. And get this though. Her name at the shelter was Connie. And that’s my mom’s name. So.
Angela
OK, that did have to change.
Darlene
There’s no way. I can’t exactly. Sorry, mom, because I know Mom.
Angela
We love you, Mom.
Darlene
Exactly. But we had to change the name. So there’s the sign … signal right here. She has a broken leg that healed incorrectly. So she’s has a little deformity with her leg. And I do honestly believe yeah, and I’m gonna share this little story, Angela, because you’re gonna love this one when talking about signs.
Angela
Oh no.
Darlene
No, but yeah, yeah, you’re gonna like this one. So this literally just happened last week. And my husband had walked Halo for a couple times. So he had walked her a few times. And then he and I were walking here together. So yeah, for years Kota, whenever we turned on to Prescott, lean our street. She would sit and look up for a treat. OK, didn’t teach it at all. It was turning on to our streets. I sit, I look up, I get a treat. So we’re walking Halo. We turn on to Prescott. All of a sudden he has the leash. She sits. She looks up to him for a treat. And I stopped and I said, did you teach her that? Just like the other day how to do that? He goes, no.
I go Kota did that for 11 years, sat in this spot and looked up for a treat. He goes I know. I’m like she does it now. And the past few days out walking her. She’s doing it every day, right when we turn on to our street. And if you tell me that’s not a sign because I didn’t teach it to Halo. No one taught it to her, she’s not doing it any other time. It’s right when we turn … isn’t that crazy?
Angela
That is nuts. How do they know?
Darlene
I know. I … there’s something … I think they tell us things and relay messages.
Angela
I’m going to make a statement and I want you to react to it. And this is a common statement. You don’t get the dog you want. You get the dog you need. How did you need Halo? And how is she fulfilling that need?
Darlene
So when Halo first came to the house, she … I want to say she slept for an entire month. She had been pregnant with puppies when they went to spay her, they found out so she … she just came broken and slept all the time. But I … she was a dog who climbs up into my lap. As you saw one day on Zoom, she kind of jumped up and nudges and snuggles and everything that Kota wasn’t …
Angela
Never. Kota wouldn’t.
Darlene
Yes, just give me my space. Give me my bubble of space, get away. But she loves attention. And she loves closeness. And I feel I needed that, I needed that. Yeah, I needed that.
Now, though, that she’s decompressed her nickname is Little Shit. But she’s non stop. So yeah, I needed another husky because now I have plans to OK, we’re gonna ski together. We’re gonna run together because now I have no choice. I set up, set myself up for that. But I love that. I love that. But that first month she was with us, she was just all about snuggling and being there with us. Yeah.
Angela
At a time when you needed it.
Darlene
Yeah, I needed that. Yeah.
Angela
Yeah, that’s amazing. And no regrets.
Darlene
No regrets. She … I’m tired!
Angela
Not even those five days where Pete didn’t talk to you.
Darlene
No, and you know what, when he … it was probably like the night or two after … oh, when we finally did adopt it was … he wasn’t talking to me. And then I was like, so what? What should we do? It’s like, well, what do you mean? I go, well, I need to let somebody know if we’re going to keep her. He goes, well, we can’t bring her back to the shelter now. Sign the paper. But I had to laugh because literally like, again, I had things planned. We had things planned. Puppy wasn’t in the picture. And I had friends to take a little art class with my friend Kim. So we went out for the evening. And I’m like, oh, shoot, I gotta leave him home. He’s like babysitting, is he OK with it? So I come home late that night. I walk into the bedroom and there is Pete and Hallo snuggled sound asleep in our bed.
Angela
And there was your answer.
Darlene
And there it is and he loves her. I mean he does love her. Yeah.
Angela
I can tell you now that I saw a difference in your face between fostering that … that first girl to fostering Connie/Hallo. I saw the difference in your face. And I knew right away that Halo was home.
Darlene
Yeah.
Angela
I wanted us to share these stories because I will wanting to remind our listeners that A. there is no timeline on grief.
Darlene
None.
Angela
You can hear me getting all worked up. After nine years. B, there is no right or wrong way to do grief. And C, there is no right or wrong timeline for you to bring another pet into your home. That we’ve had, we’ve had guests already. Coleen Ellis of Two Hearts Pet Loss Center, good friend, doesn’t think you should right away, thinks you should take time to grieve your loss. Maureen Scanlon, a life coach from I Never Knew But My Dog did podcast says you should do it right away. So you will hear so many, so many different opinions. And the only opinion that matters is yours.
Darlene
It’s so true. And people who judge will judge, and that doesn’t matter. Because we know they’re out there. Oh, you just got a dog. It does not matter. Because in the end, it only matters to us. And whatever helps us through the process. If it’s getting a dog the next day, so be it. If it’s waiting a couple of years. Nothing wrong with that, either.
Angela
I have seen people go to the shelter the next day.
Darlene
There’s nothing wrong with it.
Angela
There is nothing wrong with it. You have all of that love to give.
Darlene
Exactly.
Angela
If you need the time and the space to restore yourself, take that time and space. And if you never have another dog or cat again, that’s OK, too. As long as it’s right for you. And no one else. So true. Thank you.
Darlene
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Angela
Look, gang, losing our best fur friends is one of the hardest experiences we have to endure as animal lovers. They are with us faithfully every day of their lives. They love us and comfort us and teach us.
This pain we feel when they leave us can be overwhelming and it takes time to heal. Hell’s bells, my grief for Shep bubbled up last year in ways that shocked me. I had to deal with the guilt of losing him and bringing Bella home “too soon” all while walking the grief journey for my mom.
For many animal lovers, getting another dog after our soul dog dies can be daunting … horrifying even to some. We wonder how long we should wait or *have to* wait before bringing another puppy home.
Yeah, I lasted nine days. The opportunity presented itself to love a puppy and the silence in my apartment was unbearable.
Darlene waited a little longer.
Others wait even longer, years sometimes.
Guys, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Grief is complex. Grief is individual. While it can take time to process the loss of our beloved furkids, a puppy can bring comfort and joy into a home that needs it. Others may need the time and space to heal without an animal in the home so they can come to terms with the loss.
You must do what is right for you and your family with the full understanding that not only is there going to be a big adjustment period for you but also for your new pet.
Whatever decision you do make, know that you are never replacing the pet that meant so much to you, that taught you so much, that loved you so hard and unconditionally.
He will always hold a special place in your heart and his memory will live on in the stories you tell of him and in the love you give to another animal.
Because there’s always a way to let our hearts grow bigger.
Next week, boy do I have a treat. We are welcoming our first male guest onto the podcast. EEEEE! I’m hosting Bob Bryant of Mission K9 Rescue and we’re talking about rehabilitating military dogs who want to live out their senior years with love and cuddles and scritches.
